When I was 8 years old, I had my first crush or, should I say, I told my first crush I had a crush on him. I decided I would tell him on Valentine’s day. I was always that little girlie girl. I loved princesses. I loved wearing dresses. I wanted to wear jewelry. I was infatuated with nail polish. I loved fairy tales and wanted one. That 14th of February, I decided I would give one of those little Valentine’s day card to my crush. Looking back, that was so gutsy for an 8 year old. But as a Capricorn I always knew what I wanted. Everybody in my class gave their cards publicly but I decided I would be discreet. After lunch time, I left my little Valentine’s card on his desk. Sitting across the room, I saw him read my card. He immediately hid it in his backpack. We never spoke about it. This is the first guy that ghosted me (HAHA)!!! In my little girl's head I felt like he was ashamed of me. I thought he didn’t acknowledge me because I wasn’t popular. At that age it’s all about being a cool kid. I think this is when I decided being romantic wasn’t ‘’cool’’.
For the longest time, I tried to be the tough one, a cold hearted woman. For some reason I thought that’s what men were looking for. Now let’s not blame my 8 year old crush for that, because, poor guy, if he is reading this. I used to say I didn’t want to receive flowers; they were a tacky gift (now I’d kill for a bouquet of pampas please haha.) I would keep my tears in while watching a Nicolas Sparks movies (now I’m a cry baby.) I also said Valentine's day was a hallmark holiday (that I kinda still think.) The truth is I didn’t want to be disappointed. When you have zero expectations or when you say you want nothing and get something it feels like a surprise. And god knows I love surprises. With time, I’ve learned to be honest with myself. Nobody can guess what you want and hiding who you are will get you nowhere. I do have expectations and I do want those things that I used to frown upon. The truth about Valentine's day is that I still consider it to be a Hallmark holiday. I know this is an unpopular opinion but please hear me out.
To be clear, I do still want to celebrate Valentine’s day, what human doesn’t want to feel special? On the other hand, I still believe this is a commercial holiday. I’d rather have a bunch of little attentions than one big one once a year. That is why I believe Valentine's day should be everyday. I don’t mean grandiose romantic gestures should be done on a daily basis but feeling loved everyday is important and this goes for both sides of the relationship. I don’t think romanticism should only be demonstrated once a year. I do realise that I am asking for a Disney fairy tale but trust me, the ones who say they don't want one, secretly do. I was one of those for the longest time.
On a side note, for everybody out there that hide a tacky side, simply let it shine. There's a reason why we all enjoy those chick flicks or even watch movies. Life doesn’t have to be grim and it's not where you are and what you have it’s about who you are with. This Valentine's Day, think about what your partner, your lover, your best friend, your crush… has shared with you and try to make it special for them. Not every person will enjoy chocolates, make it personal!
Anything is possible, I am a hopeless romantic and you?
xo
-c